Aviva Rips Off and Throws Her Leg on Real Housewives of NY Finale

Let's make one thing perfectly clear: We are all lucky to be alive at a time when Vassar graduate Aviva Drescher, while at Le Cirque, proclaims, "The only thing that is artificial or fake about me is THIS!" and rips off her prosthetic leg, slams it on the table, then throws it at someone. Say what you will, but this… » 7/23/14 10:50am Wednesday 10:50am

The Countess Maybe Steals Sonja's Man on Real Housewives of NY

Sure, Countess LuAnn is smarting from her recent breakup with Frenchman/Balki Bartokomous doppelganger Jacques. Really, aren't we all? But that gives her no right to steal Harry Dubin right out from under Sonja's drunken nose! And on Carole's birthday no less! At least the predictions of Sonja's gay Christian mystic… » 7/16/14 10:20am 7/16/14 10:20am

Vicki's Vagina and Other Mysteries of The Real Housewives of OC

Before we get into talking about this dinner party of horrors and what a freaking shady shit-stirrer Tamra is, let us recount all the things we learned about Vicki Gunvalson last night. 1) She would like to have a catheter bag permanently installed for convenience; 2) Her vagina is perfect; 3) She is capable of tact.… » 7/15/14 9:00am 7/15/14 9:00am

Indicted Felons and Some Fucked-Up Pets on Real Housewives of NJ

Amidst the tragedy of Teresa and Juicy Giudice's federal indictments, and Gia Giudice crying continuously, and Melissa Gorga searching for a storyline, and these new cast members with their horrible Househusbands, can we all say a prayer of thanks for the perfection known as Dina Manzo and her armless Chihuahua? » 7/14/14 10:00am 7/14/14 10:00am

Sonja's Incomprehensible Lovemaking Tips on Real Housewives of NY

When getting your love handles fat-zapped, it's always wise to think of potential unintended consequences. Quoth Sonja T. Morgan: "What is he gonna hold on to? You know how they do the jiggle thing, they hold this and then they go [shake]. You know that thing?...Oh, it's an immediate orgasm. You don't do it?" » 7/09/14 11:35am 7/09/14 11:35am

Heather Dubrow Supports Puppy Mills on Real Housewives of OC

Heather Dubrow, puppy mill enthusiast, works awfully hard to convince us that she's not evil, she just has allergies. Nice try, Cruella! But then it is also her particular genius that we see the precious, fluffy, pedigreed objects of our scorn scamping about and, well… maybe puppy mills aren't so bad after all. » 7/08/14 11:40am 7/08/14 11:40am

Real Housewives of New York Finally Escape The Beaver

If you were wandering in the desert, or perhaps on the frozen tundra, Ramona Singer would damn sure guarantee that somewhere on your journey there was a cheese plate, pinot grigio in a proper ice bucket, and cold beer with lime awaiting you. And this is why she has every right to call Kristen a shit-ass hostess! » 7/02/14 12:10pm 7/02/14 12:10pm

Shannon's Marriage on Real Housewives of OC Ranks Among The Worst

When pondering which of all the current Real Housewives has the absolute worst relationship, it's tempting to go straight to the couple in which the husband called his wife the C-word on camera and is probably going to prison. But when Vicki Gunvalson and Brooks look like a model of relational health by comparison,… » 7/01/14 10:50am 7/01/14 10:50am

Real Housewives of New York Cry During Geocaching, Orgasms

Kristen would have been much better off if she had realized early on that a) Nobody wants to go to goddamn Montana; b) Crying at the top AND bottom of a giant boulder is the worst way to impress a sporty rival; c) Nobody gives a fuck about geocaching. But, hey, at least Ramona didn't actually shoot her. YET. » 6/25/14 1:50pm 6/25/14 1:50pm

My Cat From Hell Uncovers the Shocking Truth About 911 Cat

Oregon's most famous resident, Lux the cat, made national headlines this year when he went on a rampage so violent that his owners were forced to call 911. So where is Lux now? And is he a total psycho, or are his humans just idiots? Only one man can get Justice 4 Lux: musician by night and cat whisperer by day… » 6/16/14 9:00am 6/16/14 9:00am

Sonja Maybe Banged Carole's Boyfriend on Real Housewives of NY

And with moves like hers, how could Sonja NOT "accidentally steal" someone's man? She goes from crazy dancing to passionate air guitar to making out with strangers and friends to air drums on Heather's butt to a classic beaver shot, all with uncommon grace and fluidity. Elegance is learned, my friends! » 6/11/14 10:01am 6/11/14 10:01am